Sunday, March 16, 2014


I remember going to this corporate event once.

Some girl talked herself in - she wasn't supposed to be there enjoying the open bar and catered food.  But there she stood, having sweet talked the host into letting her in.

And yet instead of having a great night and loving the favour and free drinks, she was bemoaning the host for the dressing down she got.

"Why should I let you in?" the host had said, "I don't owe you anything."  "Well, now you owe me" may well have been implied, if not indeed said.

Interesting though, isn't it?

The one difference in the host being a shining knight or a despicable villan in her mind?  


For instead of being regaled as a generous gentleman, a sublime host, an all round good guy, he was being spited.

And he was paying for the drinks regardless. 

I find myself doing this often.  Doing things that I maybe don't really want to do, but instead of doing them with grace and equanimity I do them under duress - and don't I let everyone know it.

"I'll do it, but I'm not happy about it."

"I'll do it but you'll owe me."

But you know the stupid thing about that?  I'm still paying for the drinks.

Wouldn't I be better off to have a little grace?

For if, in that moment, that maybe tired, maybe disgruntled moment, I could muster just an inkling of grace?  It is possible that I might transform not just that moment, but my family, myself and my life.

You think I might be over stating?

That's possible.  But think about it.

If our host had, instead of issuing our guest a verbal lambasting invited her in with some grace, if he had been able to put his personal discomfort to one side, his standing in her mind would have been vastly elevated.  She would have felt better, he would have felt better and there would have been no small minded gossiping going on.

It's a small example, not exactly earth shattering, and yet life changing.  Transformative.

For whose lives wouldn't be transformed if that degree of negativity could be evaporated, virtually without effort?  Well, maybe just a little effort.

Remember that saying "A smile costs nothing"?  I'm going to start reciting it.  Know why? Because with grace or without, we are still doing those things we don't want to do, we are still putting ourselves out.  We are still paying for the drinks.

Adding a smile to that equation costs us nothing.

But with grace we are the hero in our own adventure.  We can become the person that those around us look up to.  

"She did that with such grace." "Nothing is too much trouble." "She is always there when I need her, without complaint." (ugh. That last one is never me).  

We become that person.  And they're the people that we go out of our way for, aren't they?  Aren't they the people that we would do anything for, without being asked.  Wouldn't we all like to be that person?

Instead of the being the person that begrudges everything, for whom everything is a hassle.  The person for whom we want to give nothing, the person we complain about when their back is turned, before thinking, "Screw them, I'm ordering another drink."

I know which person I'd rather be.

And I know which person is making a contribution vastly outweighing the effort involved.  Simply by employing a modicum of grace.

Think I can do it?  

How can I afford not to.

When have you acted with grace?

Listen to Time After Time Tuck and Patti

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